Sunday, 6 May 2018

Another Daft Story

And this is what I wrote today . . .

Attack Trained Chihuahua
‘He never did!
‘I tell you that dog saved my life’.
Bet and Elsie were having a cup of tea at Bet’s. They were sitting in the living room with a fine china tea set in front of them with scones and cakes on the table. They were old friends and took it in turn to treat each other to tea every few days. They’d known each other for about 20 years and enjoyed chatting and gossiping on what was happening in the neighbourhood. Alone on the sofa, on his own cushion sat a rather overweight Chihuahua, looking smug.
‘I don’t believe it – a little dog like that!’
‘As true as I’m sitting here with you today – that dog saved my life!’
‘Well I never – who’d have thought it. What happened’?
‘Well you know that I bought him originally for companionship and protection after my Burt died. So I’ve been trying to teach him a few tricks and to growl threateningly at strangers who get, you know, over familiar. Well it wasn’t really going very well. Pedro here didn’t seem to understand what to do and just tended to look at me and bark all the time so we weren’t getting very far at all and I wondered whether I should take him to a professional dog trainer like that Barbara Woodhouse who was on telly a few years back. Anyway I was looking in the Yellow Pages when I heard a sound at the back door.
‘Oooh – who was it?’
‘Well that’s when it all started. I walked slowly to the back – you know how my arthritis is playing up – but when I got there I saw a young person in jeans and some kind of T-shirt  (why can’t the young dress properly) with a stocking over their face and a knife in his hand and he demanded all of my money.’
‘You must have been terrified’.
‘I was I can tell you and I really hoped that Pedro had learnt something from the training we’d done together, but no – he just stayed at a safe distance and yapped.
‘Well anyway the person grabbed my arm and threatened me. I was crying now because I was so frightened and he (I think it was a ‘he’) it was hard to tell from the dress and tone of voice which was muffled and asked me where I kept my valuables. I muttered something about the living room I think and he demanded that I take him there. I was too scared to do anything else. He looked so frightening.’
‘I suppose there wasn’t the opportunity to call the police – couldn’t you have screamed or something?’
‘I did scream but there was nobody there to help as they both work during the week either side of me. So I limped to the living room still crying and then walked over to where the silver was. The man came after me, still holding a knife. He held out a bag and told me to put all my valuables in it. I walked up to the mantelpiece and was about to put the silver candlesticks into the bag. The person was watching me and moving forward not looking where he was going. And that was when my brave Pedro came to the rescue, bless him. He walked right in front of that threatening person and tripped him up. He hit his head on the table (the person not Pedro) and was out like a light! Then I called the police and the person was taken away and charged with burglary. I don’t know what would have happened if it hadn’t been for my beautiful, brave gorgeous Pedro – who’s my lovely boy then would ‘oo like a piece of cake?‘ (This last directed at the smug dog on the cushion).
‘Well I never’ (a doubtful look at said dog), ‘who’d have thought it!’

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